Games on Crack
by Nanoman94
Summary: (Crackfic) In a complete sense of genius (or not), I've made a device to let me and my friends go into random games to have our own adventures. This series of unrelated one-shots describes our complete lack of seriousness towards anything. Rated T for mild language and randomness up the wazoo.


Author's Note: This story does not take place in the same continuity as any of my others. The events, characters, and places in this story will not affect the rest of my stories, but certain OC's may appear here. Lastly, this is meant to be random, so come in, grab some popcorn, and enjoy! ~Nano

Editor's Notice: I'm 85% sure Nanoman was high when he wrote this. Here we go, anyway. For Cheese! ~Sheogorath

_~A Game of Glory, Gold, and Stupidity~_

"Dude, are you sure this will work?" Chaybn asked me, as I fiddled with the buttons on the device. Chaybn's hair was a dusty blonde, and he came up to my eyes in height, about 5'9". The box in my hands was green in color, and had multicolored flashing lights.

"More or less… hopefully we won't… explode." I said cautiously. The box was intended to transport us to a world of fiction, and we could explore the game itself.

"Explode? I don't want to explode!" Alina, my girlfriend, said in shock. She was rather short at 5'3", and her long, dark hair hid her face on occasion, as well as her glasses.

"Naw, that sounds fun!" Ryan, the last of our group, said. His hair was similar to Chaybn's and Alina's combined, and he also wore glasses. He came up to me in height, and was the thinnest and palest of us all. Alina punched his shoulder, to little effect.

"Alright, I think I got it… yeah!" I said, as the device started flashing. It enveloped us all in a bright white light, and the next thing I knew, I was at a banquet table. One I knew rather well. On the table was an assortment of cheeses, crackers, and a bowl of… well, that didn't look edible. AT the center was a deranged mad god I knew as Sheogorath.

"Aha! That human arrives! Welcome, welcome, have some cheese!" he called to me, a chair appearing out of thin air. "So, you're the human who created the device to enter our little world, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so. My name is-"

"No no no no no no no! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!" He screeched, causing me to shut up. "Let me guess… Mack?"

"No." I replied flatly.

"Blake?"

"No."

"Dyce?"

"No."

"Margaret?"

"That's not even a guy's name!"

"You never know! Hmm… Zack!"

"You got it." I replied, casually taking a bite of cheese. "Hmm, pepper jack. Not bad."

"I know! The world can be random, but the flavors of cheese can also be!"

"This might sound odd, but have you seen three other people come through, two guys and a girl?" I asked.

"Yep. But they're all going on adventures right now, exploring the world!" The mad god said, tossing a block of cheese into the bowl on the table.

"How come I don't get to go on an adventure as well?" I half-whined.

"Because you're the responsible one who has to save their asses." He said. "They're kind of crazy, your companions." He gestured to a portal floating in the air, and I saw Ryan through it. He was covered from head to toe in what looked like badly forged dragon scales, and holding a shoddy-looking sword of the same material in one hand. He was locked in combat with a few bandits.

"Try to kill me now!" He shouted, slicing the head off one. He whistled, and an armored war hound jumped from outside my field of vision and onto a bandit. The dog mauled the poor guy to death, as Ryan decapitated another soul.

"I'd tell you nice try, but it wasn't." He said, wiping his blade free of blood. In a moment, he jumped on the back of the war hound. "Onward, faithful steed!" He cried out, as the scene shifted to Alina's plight.

Alina was slowly walking around a small castle-like structure, looking dazed and confused. "Where am I supposed to go..?" I heard her ask nothing in particular. She held a bow in one hand, but it was held loosely and with no coordination. Suddenly, a draugr jumped out at her, and she screamed like a banshee.

Her scream was so high in pitch, the draugr covered its ears up in visible pain before disintegrating. "…Huh..?" Alina wondered. She then started jumping up and down in the air. "Yay! I won!" The scene shifted to Chaybn.

He was decked out in armor that looked to be made of granite, and was dragging a heavy rucksack on the ground behind him. "Must… collect… loot!" He panted with each step. He checked almost every medium-sized stone along he way, trying in vain to find something.

A bandit jumped out, screaming, "Hand over that rucksack and you won't be gutted like a fish!"

"Okay." Chaybn said, swinging the bag over his head and crushing the bandit against the ground with a satisfying *crack* sound. He then proceeded to loot the body of everything, including the loincloth and several organs. I face-palmed, and turned back to Sheogorath.

"How do I get them back here?" I asked. The mad god simply pressed a button on the device in my hand, and three white lights appeared nearby. My friends emerged from the lights, each with everything they got from their journey. "So… how did it go?"

"Great, man!" Chaybn called out. "I got an iron shield, a stone pickaxe, a Godsword +3, a…" he went on and on as the rest of us ignored him.

"I killed a zombie!" Alina proudly proclaimed, striking a pose and holding the bow backwards.

"I'm on a dog." Ryan said, patting the war hound's head.

"Guess we all know what kind of bitch he likes!" Chaybn shouted, causing all in company save Ryan to laugh. The insulted party simply flung his sword at Chaybn, who hid behind his loot bag to dodge.

"Anyway, who's up for the next game?" I asked. I received a resounding 'YEAH!' from everybody. Waving goodbye to Sheogorath, I pressed a random button on the device. White light engulfed us again. I guess we're on a wild ride around games, and who knows where we'll pop out next?

_~End of game~_


End file.
